Community Newsletter
The official monthly update for residents, visitors, families, former henchmen, and approved nemeses.
This Month At Villain Pines
Baron Gloom Wins Bingo Tournament
Again. Appeals continue.
Madame Nightshade Receives Gardening Award
Judges remain available for comment this year.
Professor Dreadwell Agrees To Toaster Restrictions
Agreement expired immediately.
Memorial Garden Expansion Denied
Surveyors disagree.
Resident Highlights
Baron Gloom has requested that bingo victories be recognized as territorial acquisitions.
Facility Updates
The East Wing Discussion was cancelled.
The East Wing Discussion was never scheduled.
Attendance at the East Wing Discussion has been recorded.
The Archive has requested that residents stop correcting their own files.
Gift Shop News
Room 113 keychains are back in stock.
The Whisper Plushie remains unavailable despite continued sales.
Villain Pines mugs are now dishwasher safe in this timeline.
Correction Notices
Last month's newsletter incorrectly stated that the koi pond was “thinking.” The correct term is “considering.”
The Staff Directory did not omit an employee. The employee omitted the directory.
The Memorial Garden has not expanded. Please disregard additional benches.
Final Reminder
Villain Pines remains committed to comfort, dignity, community, and careful denial.
Please enjoy your stay, respect posted notices, and report any memories you do not recognize.