Visitor Center
Welcome to Villain Pines. Please enjoy your visit and keep all expectations within approved reality tolerances.
Visitor Rules
1. Stay within approved visitor areas.
2. Respect residents, staff, and ongoing bingo disputes.
3. Do not feed the koi philosophical questions.
4. Do not enter Room 113.
5. Do not ask why Rule 4 exists.
6. Do not accept maps from residents wearing gloves.
7. If offered pudding by Baron Gloom, request legal counsel.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I visit the East Wing?
No.
Can I visit Room 113?
No.
Can I meet The Whisper?
The Whisper appreciates your interest.
Are the tomatoes safe?
Define safe.
Is the Memorial Garden expanding?
Officially, no.
Today's Notices
East Wing Discussion cancelled.
East Wing Discussion never scheduled.
Attendance has been recorded.
The Gift Shop has additional Room 113 keychains.
Please stop correcting archive records.
Before You Leave
Please return all visitor badges, borrowed maps, and unauthorized memories to reception.
If you arrived with more memories than you currently possess, please complete Form 113-B.